The Pirate Tradition
by cneko2
Summary: It all started with a book. And Luffy's insistence on following the Pirate Tradition. Warnings: Be ware the slight LuffyNami and the ZoroSanji


Dear lord, the utter crack. I blame Tsaiko. It's all her fault. She found out I was on a One Piece binge and challenged me to write this based on the title of a book we found on Amazon. com. And for those of you wondering, yes the book is real and is actually called that.

Err...never written One Piece before so I apologize for any OOCness and the incredible suckitude of this drabble.

Oh yeah...And One Piece, Luffy and the gang? Not mine. So not mine. I'm just a poor girl trying to get through college.

* * *

It all started with a book, as so many things do. 

This particular book had been discovered by a particular captain of a particular pirate crew. Which was more surprising, the book or the fact that their captain could actually read, the crew couldn't say. Looking back, it was probably the fact that their captain could read.

"But you guys gotta!! See, it says right here!"

With that, Luffy pointed to the opened book which read in rather large, yet innocent letters: _Sodomy and the Pirate Tradition_.

Ussop, Sanji, and Zoro all had looks on their faces that were an amusing mixture of a need for violence and a fear of God. Nami just rolled her eyes and went back to her newspaper.

"See, it's part of what pirates do. So you gotta."

"Luffy...do you even know what Sodomy means?" Zoro asked in a slightly pained voice.

"Course I do, it's butt sex. I didn't know it was part of being a pirate, but the books says it is so you've gotta do it."

"US?!!!" Sanji growled. "Why the hell don't you do it, since you're the one who's gonna be the Pirate King!"

Luffy stared blankly at the raging cook for a moment before answering. "I can't."

"Wha...?"

"I mean, I've already been sleeping with Nami for weeks and it wouldn't be nice to sleep around so..."

Their captian promptly found himself being smack across the back of the head by their navigator's bo staff as she screeched at him loudly.

"You idiot!!! I told you to keep it a secret!!"

"Nami-san, how could you?!!" wailed the heart broken chef.

"Luffy, how could you?!!" roared swordsman.

Everyone paused at that and gave Zoro a _very odd _look. Zoro cough, blushed slightly and then continued on his tirade. "She's the devil, I tell you!! The Devil! You can do better!"

This earned him a smack from Nami and a Sanji-kun Boot To The Head (TM). (Not to be confused with Umeda-sensei Boot To The Head(TM).) Luffy just grinned happily and continued explaining once the beating was over.

"Anyways, that's why you guys gotta. Cuz we're pirates, right? And the book says that's what pirates do."

Back to the looks of fear and the need for violence.

"Luffy, books say a lot of things, that doesn't necessarily mean that we..." Ussop began.

"Oh, yeah! And there's something in here about a Cabin Boy...but we don't have a cabin boy. Hmmm...well, Ussop is the youngest..."

"WE'RE THE SAME AGE!!!!"

"Ah...you're right. But I'm the captain so that still makes you..."

"No way in hell! I refuse to betray Kaya like that; And why do I have to be the Cabin Boy anyways? I mean, I'm younger but Sanji's prettier!! Make him be the bitch!" The resident liar whined.

"What the hell'd you say, Long Nose?!!" Sanji lifted a leg for another Sanji-kun Boot To The Head but was distracted by the laughter coming from next to him.

"Oi...something funny, Seaweed Head?"

"He's right. You would make a better Bitch, you're so damned prissy."

"Are you _looking_ for a painful death?"

"Okay, well since that's been decided...Sanji, when's lunch? I'm hungry!"

"What?! i Nothing /i has been decided here yet and you just ate, damnit!!"

"But I'm hungry! And Zoro and Ussop both said you would make a better Cabin Boy so Good Luck!"

Only the fact that Zoro reached out to grab a rubbery arm kept their captain from flying overboard from the force of the kick. The arm snapped back to regular length and Luffy happily returned to his lookout on the figurehead of the Going Merry.

Nami returned to her paper muttering to herself about idiot men. Zoro and Ussop watched the very irate chef stomp his way back into the Galley. Ussop had to admit, he did feel a little sorry for Sanji at the moment.

"You think if we hide the book Luffy'll forget all about this?"

"Probably."

"I'll hide it as soon as Sanji calls for lunch."

"Fine."

"That'll be better for everyone, right?"

"Right."

"Okay. Right."

Nonchalantly, the swordsman, who had still been staring after the blonde, cocked his head to the side and asked his companion.

"So...you wanna make him the official Cabin Boy first or can I?"

* * *

Umeda-sensei boot to the head!! YUSS!! HANAKIMI RO-KU! 

As for the pairings...I make no apology about my pairings.

And Sanji-kun lives to suffer. He is and forever shall be, Zoro's Bitch. (insert goofy yaoi fangirl smirk here)

Hugs & Kisses,

Cneko


End file.
